When Both Suffer a Chronic Illness

My husband recently received a new diagnosis.  It's quite interesting how the whole diagnosis went about, well not interesting per se but quite typical of my husband.  He had mentioned that he had some sort of wart-like sore on the skin between his thumb and forefinger and that he picked at it and it just got worse.  When I finally looked at it, it looked very cracked and looked like it could have been very well infected.  I immediately told him he needed a doctor because it looked bad and I didn't want him losing a hand (half-jokingly).  A week went by and since I hadn't heard anything else about the hand I assumed that it had healed up on it's own and everything was great. 

"Honey, look at my hand"
"GAH! what the heck??! did you not go the doctor?"
"No, and look at my finger on my other hand"

By then, I knew something wasn't right and he had some kind of problem going on.  I really had no idea what it was but I knew he had to get it checked out.  I took it upon myself to find him a dermatologist (I referred him to mine but it was too out of the way for him so I had to find him another one). 

Long story short, after a couple of dermy appointments, and 2 biopsys later, he received a diagnosis of psoriasis.  Since then, he has also had elbow rashes and one on his lower 'erm' backside.

Another fact about psoriasis is that 1 in 20 actually develop psoriatic arthritis.  Yes, I've read up on it and yes it's pretty bad.  My husband has been complaining of back pain for a couple of years and has maxed out his chiropractor allowances through our insurance.  He has also mentioned that he also has joint pain when I say I'm hurting.  I mentioned before that I thought it was his was of being a little facetious but one has to wonder now.  I'm trying to get him in to see a rheumatologist.  He told me he will just tough it out.  I don't think it's such a good idea given what I have read about psoriatic arthritis and it's progression.  I guess I will just have to keep working on him.

He doesn't worry about much, that is one of the reasons I love him so much.  He is so carefree, but I hate to take the burden on myself all the time.  Another issue I worry about is our son.  I did have concerns for him when it was just me that was sick and what I would pass down onto him but now I am quite concerned (and feel so guilty).


  1. Well, that's totally unfair, to have both of you sick! Your husband sounds very much like a typical man - if it's the flu they're dying - if it's something actually serious they'll tough it out.
    In the end, he's an adult, he has to take care of his own health. No matter how much you worry about him, unless he's going to take action there's nothing you can do - you've just got to learn to let it go (not that that is at all easy.)

  2. Yes Iris, you got that right, not fair at all. Thanks for the laugh about the flu, so true.

    The thing is he is trying to be very nonchalant about it but I know he doesn't realize the full effect of an autoimmune disease on a body. But yes, I will just have to let him go on his own time as hard as it might be... but I think I will keep gently encouraging him subconsciously (I can't help it :)

  3. I yiyi, I hope your husband gets himself checked out so you can both put your minds to ease. Guys don't seem to like doctors but at minimum an annual visit is a must for the routine check up stuff-- so if he hasn't had one of those in a while maybe you could encourage him to get everything checked all at once??? Fingers crossed.

  4. Still working on that. May have convinced him to go with me to my next rheumy visit (have to check if they have an opening the same time)... lets hope he doesn't back out the last minute.