Working - How do you know when to say enough is enough?

How do you know when it's time to throw in the towel?  I mentioned briefly about working and somewhat of the struggles in my Work and Uncertain Times post.  I mean I manage to get through given the job I have.  There is no way I could do a physical demanding job, that required me to be on my feet, or be outdoors, or extensive traveling, etc.  But I do get those moments in my head, you know those thoughts that say... is that time coming, because things aren't getting better.

I have spoken to my husband and he's nervous.  He makes decent money I guess, but we are not exactly debt free.  He does say that if my health required me to stop working, then we would take it as it came but on the other hand tells me to stick it out as long as I can.  What that means to him and what that means to me could mean two different things.  Of course there is the option of disability but really, is that an option?  I've heard so many people that have been denied (and the very long process that has actually put people in bankruptcy going through it)  Even those dying of cancer get denied so while I could hold out hope for disability as an option for me, I can't put all my eggs in that basket.

This has just been on my mind lately, I mean it's not a serious consideration at this point.  Today, it came to mind as I took 30 minutes to peel myself out of bed because my body didn't want to work but yesterday I was enjoying a normal (well normal as normal can be for me) day and besides the pills I take, forgot about my illness for a few times in the day - that was nice, wish I had more like that.

Wanting to Make a Difference

World Lupus Day

I have my purple on today and my “Someone you know has Lupus” bracelet (last year’s model) -I really need to get the new one-.   I have my Facebook profile picture set to the World Lupus Day picture.  That’s really as much as I can do.  I really wish that I didn’t have to keep my illness hidden.  It’s a shame that the fear of my work finding out makes me feel like I’m living a lie about myself.  I want to do more to spread awareness and I feel like I fail all of us Lupus sufferers because I have to be so quiet… that I’m a hypocrite to be an advocate to support awareness but I can’t do much myself.  I think that I will be looking into some volunteer opportunities that I can do which will not put me in the spotlight but will allow me to make a difference.

My Mother’s Day…

Well I’m a tad late but I hope that all the mother’s and children of mother’s and mothers of fur babies and so on had a lovely day on Sunday.  Mine was great with the exception with both of my husband’s mother and my mom out of town (we did send them beautiful flower arrangementsJ).  We did the usual take Mom (moi’) out for lunch which was really nice.  My enjoyment out of it was not so much to honor me but I just love the time spent with my boys.  With my son as a teenager, he pretty much likes to do his own thing so it was really nice that we all got out as a family.  We had lunch on the patio at this nice little Mexican restaurant.  Afterwards, went home and put my feet up for the rest of the day.  Ahhh… and you just know I had to squeeze a nap in there. 

My husband actually managed to do a few loads of laundry and some dishes… score!

Work and Uncertain Times

I work, I love to keep busy and I knew once I started my 'career' that I pretty much would be working until retirement.  That was my thinking in my healthy days.  Even now, I push myself to get up every morning and despite my illness, I pretty much drag myself into work almost every day.  Yes, some days are excruciating and without the meds would not be possible.  I have a pretty impeccable attendance record and I save my off time for my regular doctor appointments.  (My work does not know about my illness, which is why my blog is pretty much anonymous, so I use vacation days for my appointments)

Rumor around the water cooler is that layoffs are coming in our site.  Now I know about rumors and how they should all be taken with a grain of salt however many departments have already been shut down in our site already so this is not far fetched.  Many, many other signs point to this happening so I see it as a matter of 'when' rather than 'if'.  I have come to like my job, not because its the best job in the world and everyone  is seeking this position but because for ME it is perfect.

1) It is a desk job (not physical)
2) It requires very little thinking (great for brain foggy days)
3) My bosses are not on site with me (I have snuck out for a quick nap here and there in my car *don't judge me - I usually make the time up somewhere else, I've stayed late on many occasions and I'm salary so I don't get OT)
4) I get decent pay without a degree requirement

So given this, if I have to look for a job (especially in this economy) I feel that it will be really disastrous.  I have no degree and I cannot do much physical work unless its on a good day.  I can't be the go-getter I used to be because I have to consider what I can do in my next job because of my health.  SSDI is not an option for me even if they were to approve me (which I doubt since my doctor believes I'm 'always doing so good' - ugh- as my husband has mountains of student loans we are still paying (can you say two mortgages?) and SSDI would not pay enough plus I would like to keep working until I would physically have to quit for my health.

Stress and chronic illness is a recipe for disaster, yet I'm facing a massive burden I feel soon approaching.  I know these problems may seem insignificant to a lot of things others are going through but for me these are the stresses that I am facing at the moment.  Our house keeps going down in value like every one else so I believe there is no equity in our home either.

This was very hard to type but it was more for me just to get it out there and let it out.  Sort of a stress reliever.  There are options and possibilities for every situation... there always is... and there will be this time, whatever happens.