Work and Uncertain Times

I work, I love to keep busy and I knew once I started my 'career' that I pretty much would be working until retirement.  That was my thinking in my healthy days.  Even now, I push myself to get up every morning and despite my illness, I pretty much drag myself into work almost every day.  Yes, some days are excruciating and without the meds would not be possible.  I have a pretty impeccable attendance record and I save my off time for my regular doctor appointments.  (My work does not know about my illness, which is why my blog is pretty much anonymous, so I use vacation days for my appointments)

Rumor around the water cooler is that layoffs are coming in our site.  Now I know about rumors and how they should all be taken with a grain of salt however many departments have already been shut down in our site already so this is not far fetched.  Many, many other signs point to this happening so I see it as a matter of 'when' rather than 'if'.  I have come to like my job, not because its the best job in the world and everyone  is seeking this position but because for ME it is perfect.

1) It is a desk job (not physical)
2) It requires very little thinking (great for brain foggy days)
3) My bosses are not on site with me (I have snuck out for a quick nap here and there in my car *don't judge me - I usually make the time up somewhere else, I've stayed late on many occasions and I'm salary so I don't get OT)
4) I get decent pay without a degree requirement

So given this, if I have to look for a job (especially in this economy) I feel that it will be really disastrous.  I have no degree and I cannot do much physical work unless its on a good day.  I can't be the go-getter I used to be because I have to consider what I can do in my next job because of my health.  SSDI is not an option for me even if they were to approve me (which I doubt since my doctor believes I'm 'always doing so good' - ugh- as my husband has mountains of student loans we are still paying (can you say two mortgages?) and SSDI would not pay enough plus I would like to keep working until I would physically have to quit for my health.

Stress and chronic illness is a recipe for disaster, yet I'm facing a massive burden I feel soon approaching.  I know these problems may seem insignificant to a lot of things others are going through but for me these are the stresses that I am facing at the moment.  Our house keeps going down in value like every one else so I believe there is no equity in our home either.

This was very hard to type but it was more for me just to get it out there and let it out.  Sort of a stress reliever.  There are options and possibilities for every situation... there always is... and there will be this time, whatever happens.

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