It's Hard Living on Lonely Street

So we moved from out of state to where we are coming on 12 years now.  I was very excited to move here and start fresh but I knew that I would miss a lot of people that I left behind, mostly the friends I grew up with as my family had all moved away long before I did.  Today, I have many of them on Facebook and we keep in touch, it's so nice to communicate in some form with them.

As soon as we moved, I had to start work right away as I was pretty much the bread winner since we moved here for my husband to go to graduate school.  Between work and raising a small child, my son was 5 at the time, I never really had the chance to get out and socialize or form any bonds or start any friendships.  I did meet a couple of people but either felt awkward since they had many bonds already and I felt out of place due to my shy nature or they moved away themselves.

Now that my son is older and I finally have to chance to get out and have a nice time with a friend or two, now I have another fear.  Since then I became chronically sick, AND my sickness is my fear.  The fear that I will let people down or come across as the sick girl (I don't like to show weakness).  I have heard of people losing friends over getting ill.  Who wants to be friends with the sick girl?  The one who can't even make plans?  Maybe had I grown up here and known people here for a long time, it would be different.  I wouldn't have to worry about being judged.  But the fear of letting 'strangers' into that part of my world scares me so... so I crawl back into my shell of my home, another day without any friends, it's very lonely here.

1 comment:

  1. BD...I so know what you mean. May I say this though? I have a few years on you *cough*, and I've found that in this issue of the 'what ifs' with plans and such with friends, they now are familiar with my favorite phrase, "Just make sure there's a Plan B!' That's my way of saying to them (mostly my family) that there's always the chance that my illness will cause me to change a plan (watching grandchild, meet up for movie, vacation away)...so they need to make sure there's a back up plan, JUST IN CASE. That's my Plan B. It seems to be working very well.

    Loved your blog on this, especially your openness to share. ~Rose